They Love Me, They Love Me Not

Deciphering mixed signals is easier than you think it is

I once dated a man who gave me mixed signals. Actually, I’m not even sure if we dated. Have you ever felt this way? I’m pretty sure everyone has at least one person in their lives that left them confused.

I remember always begging for his attention — not literally! However, I always looked for reasons to talk to him. We’ve gone out on a few pleasant dates, but when we were apart, I always had to make the first move.

After a few months, I became tired of being the one that initiated conversations and dates, so I made it very obvious through social media that I was trying to move on from someone.

When I did that, he would text me selfies and ask me out. Suddenly, the tables turned. Being the soft-hearted person that I am, of course, I caved in. Besides, I had a huuuuge crush on this guy. Forget all those months he made me feel stupid! He’s finally the one looking for me! Maybe he finally realised what he would be missing out on?

This happened for a week, and then he went ghost. I started looking for him again. When I got tired and pulled away, he would come looking for me. The same cycle would continue for around two years.

Do they want me? Do they not?

If you ever find yourself in a situation where someone is giving you mixed signals, give me a high-five. It’s honestly so tiring, isn’t it, having to figure out whether someone reciprocates your feelings or not.

They might give you a thousand and one reasons why they are acting a certain way, but someone who truly wants you will never make you wonder.

When I first met my husband, I never had to second-guess his feelings for me. He always made it clear that I was a priority. I never had to ask myself if he loved me because even without saying it, he shows it.

That’s when I realised that the answer to the question “Do they love me?” is simpler than we think.

If you have to ask, the answer is “no”.

When someone gives you mixed signals, they are trying to tell you that they are not interested. They might give you a thousand and one reasons why they are acting a certain way, but someone who truly wants you will never make you wonder.

People who love you will let you know that they want you in their lives even without having to say it.

We don’t want to admit this to ourselves, but people actually make their intentions very clear. It’s just a matter of whether we want to accept it or not. We create a million ‘maybe’ scenarios to make ourselves feel better. Maybe he’s just busy. Maybe he left his phone on silent. Maybe… Maybe…

Perhaps they feel uncomfortable being honest with you because they see how much effort you’re putting in for them. Maybe they see you as a friend, or they enjoy the feeling of being wanted. Perhaps, they want you around to keep their options open.

While I agree that honesty is the better thing to do, we have to understand that not everyone has the heart or the guts to reject someone. When that happens, we have to take the hint ourselves. We need to learn to pack our bags and go.

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Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

Like I mentioned in one of my stories, love is easy. It does not complicate. It won’t leave you confused. People who love you will let you know that they want you in their lives even without having to say it.


This article was originally published on Writers’ Blokke.